The Bachelor & other weird forms of dating

We're all friends here, right?
So I can openly admit to you that I, Haley Tucker, am a die-hard fan of The Bachelor.
I haven't been watching for that long, since Brad's second go around with the match making series. But every since that first episode, I was hooked.
I can't tell you what exactly draws me to the series; maybe it's the drama, the constant battle of 25 girls all vying for the heart of one man? I don't know, but man, I am addicted.
Last night, I was thinking about the reality of this show. How strange of a concept it is.
Charlene (one of my favorite gals of this season) mentioned on Monday night's episode that she felt it was unfair that she took someone's spot and that she waste Juan Pablo's time when she wasn't sure if he was 'the one.' She even said that the past 3 weeks hadn't been enough time to be prepared to accept a proposal.

Think about that.

In three weeks time, she didn't feel ready to get engaged. 

WELL, no kidding, Sherlock!
I want to stand up, applaud and give her the biggest of hugs for saying what everyone is thinking! Over the course of like, what, 8 or 9 weeks, these girls are supposed to fall in love with this guy? A guy they've NEVER met before? I mean, come. on.
And no matter how much I love this show, it will never cease to be absolutely ridiculous that these ladies are 'in love' by the end of filming. It's really no wonder why these relationships never last.

But then I hear "success" stories of those who have found love outside of the world of The Bachelor. Breigh texted me last night with news that Kacie B (a fan favorite of seasons past) recently got engaged to her boyfriend. My heart felt so happy for this girl - a girl who I'd never met and had only witnessed on reality television. You see, Kacie B was on TWO season of this show. First, on Ben's season, where she made it all the way to hometown dates before being let go. Then, she came back (to the surprise of many) during Sean's season, in which he let her go pretty quickly (apparently he only saw her as a 'good friend').
So this young woman goes on a reality show to find love, fails, goes on the same show again a year later and fails yet again.
And then a year after her second attempt, she ends up finding love in her own time, in an organic way, letting everything take it's own course. She even ends up engaged with this man, a person she met in a natural environment, outside of the confines of reality television.

I think that has a lot to say about the nature of this dating show, and of modern dating practices in general.
Women (and even some men!) are in the business of rushing relationships. They work so hard to get to certain milestones in relationships, without savoring the in-between moments that can be just as important as the big steps. And with something as fast paced as The Bachelor, you don't get the chance to date that person, one on one. You don't get the chance to find out what makes them tick, find out their weird quirks, or find out even something simple and mundane like their favorite color. And after the fast paced 3 months of constantly being filmed while attempting to get to know this man at the same time 24 other women are, you get engaged and then have to meet in secret over the course of the next 3 months just to keep the relationship under wraps until your season airs? I can't imagine being able to build a sustainable relationship and foundation for a marriage on this premise. Can you?

But this is the way a lot of relationships are conducted these days. Always rushing, always reaching for the next big goal, the next big milestone. And then we end up married and in a relationship with a person we don't know anything about.

Take for instance the last season of The Bachelorette. Desiree Hartsock was the sweetest gal, but she was obviously head over heels (in lust, not love, mind you) for Brooks. And all of a sudden, he up and left because he wasn't sure about marrying her (good for him, because AGAIN, 9 weeks is not enough time!). She was obviously heartbroken about him leaving, didn't want to continue on the journey, etc. etc. But the next morning, she has some moment of clarity and decides that Chris is the guy for her? Oh PLEASE, girl. We all know you just didn't want to leave the show empty handed (literally, I think all she wanted was a rock on her finger). I find it sad that not only is this true in dating shows such as The Bachelor, but in real life situations. Many girls are dating just to make it to the end goal of marriage.
This isn't what a true, real relationship is about! Why must we hurry love? Why must we be so quick to say "I love you," and so slow to really know a person from the inside out?

And don't get me started on the Fantasy Suite.