Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Feeling out of it.

I saw a quote on Pinterest that said, "I've got 99 problems and 86 of them are completely made up scenarios in my head that I'm stressing about for absolutely no logical reason." 
I'm really feeling that quote right about now. 
It's so weird, but I feel completely out of it, and have been for the past few days. Part of me feels like I'm living in this dream world: "Oh dear! I'm getting married this weekend! Who would've ever guessed!" The other part is all like, "HOLD UP NOW. I thought I had 17 months! Where did that time go!?" 
17 months has been a long freaking time. I would never, ever suggest a long engagement to anyone. Ever. In the end, it has been beneficial for me and Blake. Just as the beginnings of our relationship: if we had dated when we first met, we would've never lasted. And if we had gotten married, say, 6 months after getting engaged, that would've been one big disaster. 
Having 17 months to prepare for not only the wedding, but a marriage and a life together has been for the best, and I'm grateful we made the decision to wait longer than we originally wanted.
I'm incredibly excited for this weekend. I'm hoping for stress free, fun times to be had with my friends and family. Especially since the past few weeks have been nothing but constant stress, nonstop wedding projects, and almost daily calls and texts with things I need to do that just pile up on a to do list, which will probably never fully be finished by this weekend, if we are being completely honest. 

Since I was able to start checking the 30-day forecast, I have faithfully checked the weather for the 28th daily. Every day the weather changes ever so slightly, yet one thing remains constant - rain. Rain, rain, and more rain. Sometimes it'll say that outdoor conditions are "fair" then later in the day, the conditions change to "poor." And this morning, a small glimmer of hope came out of hiding with the outdoor conditions at night being "excellent." Then 30 minutes later, back to "fair." I will take "fair" conditions gladly. And as everyone I have talked to says, rain or not - I'll be married by the end of the weekend, and that's all that matters. True, but when you've spent 17 months planning the ~*perfect wedding, you expect it not to rain, right?! Right. ...Right. 

We picked up our marriage license yesterday. We went to the courthouse, got to raise our right hands and pledge something that I don't even know was about, now that I think about it, and were out within 10 minutes. Who knew it was so easy to get the legal aspect of marriage done? I mean, honestly, if I had been smart about this we would've gone to the courthouse long ago and we'd be done with this junk! 

My mom called yesterday asking if I had gotten some stuff done from my to do list. I burst into tears and couldn't stop crying - I don't even know what came over me. I'm just... stressed. I have no reason to be stressed, though. Every little detail is being finished, the menu is set (and food is ordered!), chairs for the ceremony are confirmed to be delivered bright and early Saturday morning, I meet with the venue owner tomorrow afternoon to tie up loose ends, and we have approximately a million pies ready to bake the day of the wedding. I don't know what I'm so nervous about. Maybe the fact that life is getting ready to change dramatically? I mean, maybe I'm just being dramatic. I probably am. But still! I'm getting married this weekend. There's absolutely nothing I can do to slow down time, and I can't force myself to sit down, relax, and enjoy this week. I'm trying my hardest, but I'm really tightly-wound right now. 
Someone pour me a stiff drink and tell me to chill the heck out. *

I'm such a downer, y'all! I promise I'm excited about the wedding, because I really am! I think I've just hit that wall where it's like, "holy ish this is happening in FOUR days." And I'm starting to freak out a little. But it's mostly a good freak out. And a week from today, I'll be at Magic Kingdom enjoying breakfast at Cinderella's Castle, so all is well; I just need to make it through this weekend! ;) 
....And I'm only kidding about the stiff drink, guys. 

See you on the other side of married life, y'all. Taking a break until after the honeymoon! 

xo The Future Mrs. Tucker

(ps, I said "y'all" twice in this post. Feel free to redneck-shame me, it's okay.) 


  1. Nobody ever tells you how freaking emotional getting married is! And I swear, I'm so much more sensitive to things now--like stories about someone's husband dying? NOPE NOPE NOPE. Can't handle it. I think the all the emotions involved in the whole process of planning a wedding and getting married make you so much more vulnerable to stress (so helpful. It's like, "Hey body, wanna cut me some slack during, I don't know, THE TIME I NEED IT MOST?").

    I hope you manage to breathe a little during these last few days. Your wedding is going to be beautiful, without a doubt.

    1. Ohhh thank you for your encouragement. You have been the sweetest throughout all of this stress. You understand me! And not many do right now. :)
      I totally get you - this crap makes me CRY NONSTOP. I mean, wtf. I read an article about the kids band Big Time Rush doing a performance for a little girl that gets bullied in school a lot and started bawling. When does this emotion ever end?! #girlprobs

  2. Getting married is stressful. And that's ok! Just know that no matter what the weather is, or what may go wrong... you honestly won't be thinking about that on your big day! It won't matter anymore because you will be so giddy to just be married!! Hope it's a perfect day for you!

  3. I love you! Hang in there. In two days I will be with you like every second to do whatever you want. You don't need to stress, it isn't productive. Love you. Now text me a picture of what we were shopping for earlier this week of what you want. ;)