Wednesday, March 27, 2013


All of the buzz yesterday about gay marriage rights (as if that's never in the news, am I right?) had me thinking about my own experience with equality and the like.

My best friend is gay. That's definitely no secret. Colby and I have been friends since I was 16 years old. We were in a local production of The Music Man together, we played "lovers" in one scene together. ;) But from the start, he was my best friend; he was the funniest, most compassionate and loving person I had ever met. He's always had my back, he's always been there for me, through thick and thin.
And then I went through this phase that, looking back on, I am incredibly ashamed of. I texted him one night letting him know that I did not support the fact that he was gay, and that it was a major roadblock in our friendship for me. As a Christian, I could not be his friend.
I think, as Christians, we all go through these phases. We read certain passages in the Bible, form our own opinion, and then fire off on anyone who does not agree with our take on those verses. I was this way for a short while, and geez, I'm surprised no one seriously injured me during this period of my life.

I came to realize that I was not put on this earth to judge Colby - and during this period of time, that is exactly what I was doing. I was going against everything that I am supposed to be as a follower of Christ. Jesus has simply called us to love each other, and be good to those surrounding us. And that's definitely not what I'm seeing lately from Christ's Church, and even from those that I am close to. Yeah, we are supposed to "love the sinner, hate the sin," but just because we hate the sin, does that mean we need to put them down every chance we get?

I think the thing I have struggled with the most is that we are all sinners. All of us. And no sin is more horrible than the next. All other sin is absolutely no greater than mine. And you know what? God forgives us and loves us all the same. I stand by the fact that if Jesus were here today, He would not befriend those who carry their Bibles everywhere and are relentless crusaders for Christ. He would be the first to go up to the gay man, the prostitute, the woman who just had an abortion, and He would say, "How are you doing? How can I help you? How can I show you I love you?"

I see all these people say that gay marriage ruins the definition of marriage, and that it hurts the straight married couples. (Or the worst argument: it messes up the kids involved in a gay marriage. Tell me, how can it be any worse than kids involved in their parents divorce?)
I have known Colby for 7 years; I know his personality through and through, I know his character and I know that he is a fantastic person inside and out, that loves God - just as God loves him. And all I want for my best friend? I want him to be treated the same as I want to be treated when I get married in September. He deserves it.
I think when you know someone so well, as if they were your own family - how can you look them in the eye and say, "you do not deserve the same treatment and equality as I do." How is that fair? How is that being a vessel of Christ?

I'm not afraid to say that this is something I struggle with daily. I do know that my views have changed over the years, and probably will continue to change. But in this moment, knowing that my best friend - the person I confide in, the person who knows more about me than anyone on this planet, the person who will never let me down - does not have the same rights as me, a person who sins no greater than he, I cannot support that. He deserves every bit of happiness and every bit of equality that I do.



  1. well said. loved the honesty in this post and the braveness it takes to write a post like this in the Blogland. I have similar struggles and I keep coming back to the 'golden rule', hoping people choose to love over judgement.

    1. It is definitely a struggle! Being called "too tolerant" by fellow Christians is hard! I truly believe that those who judge so harshly and work so hard to fight against gay marriage (and other things), have never been good friends with a gay person. Colby is family to me, and I wouldn't want this for my brothers. That's just my view though. I know a lot of people don't see things like that. Thanks for your comment!

  2. geez I'm sorry I became a total creepy blog stalker but I love your point of view, it helps me grow. I'm so happy to see people stick up for their gay friends. I have no idea why God would give a commandment and then give people the strong inclination to go against that, but I can only imagine that it would be extremely difficult for the person and they have the right to choose how they want to live and shouldn't have fewer rights and opportunities than the rest of us. as Christians I think we have the responsibility to reach out to those who are different, who have the most reason to doubt if God loves them and help them feel that they are important and special and loved. colby, I don't know you but you are important and special and God loves you as much as all of his creations. If anyone tells you differently because you are gay, don't listen to them.

  3. I totally hear ya Haley! Its something I struggle with daily too. Every time I think I've come to a conclusion something else seems to be brought up or I'm reminded of how my gay friends are treated sometimes and I'm back to being incredibly frustrated - with God, with Christians, with the whole thing! Anyway, I appreciate your opinion and I agree with you about equality and that every one deserves to be treated fairly and equally.

  4. I could not agree more. This is one issue that I take to heart, and it pains me to the point of tears seeing how horribly some Christians treat individuals in the gay community. I feel so strongly about marriage equality BECAUSE of my faith, not in spite of it. It's not a popular view in many circles, and I've gotten my fair share of heat from it--often from family members and always from Christians--but I believe fully that it's the stance that Jesus would take. Kudos to you for posting this, Haley. I keep trying to sum up my feelings in a post myself, but I keep getting frustrated that this is even still an issue.

    1. It's super not popular in a lot of the circles I'm involved in! I was raised in a moderate/mostly Democrat family, and now I'm marrying into a predominantly Republic & conservative family. It's tough because I truly, truly believe and stand for a lot of the principles of the democrat party and yet... I'm surrounded by all these older people who super don't believe the same as me! I keep being told that they (the gay community) are forcing their lifestyles on us by wanting marriage equality. Aren't WE the ones forcing OUR lifestyles on them when we don't allow marriage equality?! I just... I don't know. I feel all the feelings when it comes to this topic! :)

    2. I honestly think I have been all over the political map; I was super conservative in high school (because I thought I had to be to be a Christian. Thanks Fox News!); then I swung the opposite in a sort of rebellion against that way of thinking, but I would consider myself moderate/moderate liberal now. I think I've managed to piss off every strongly opinionated person I know at least once. :)

      Ugh, I hate that argument--that they're "forcing their lifestyles on us." I lived with a gay guy for over two years and his sexual orientation had exactly ZERO affect on my life. He was the best roommate I ever had, actually. How are they forcing their lifestyles on us? By wanting to live their lives?

      To me, it just comes back to loving people as Jesus would--even if they don't look the same, act the same, believe the same, or sin the same--and treating everyone the way I would want to be treated. It's so simple.

      Sorry for going on a mini-rant on your blog. Apparently I feel all the feelings too.:)

  5. I agree mostly. But, be careful not to support certain scriptures and ignore others. God is so clear about who inherits the kingdom. It breaks my heart but, it's not going to include everyone. Which sucks..I want everyone in heaven with me. But that's not the case. We are americans but more than that we are Christ followers. This is an area I'm struggling with to find my opinion/voice. But, just as you said the issue is not the sin. It's the heart. All sin is a heart issue. Prayer is the best option, not arguments or hate. Love you, good post.