Anyways. Back to church. This morning, our youth pastor and his wife came forward to announce that next Spring they will start the process to become missionaries in Amsterdam. It's so awesome that they are dedicating themselves to such a worthy cause.
It got me thinking: What am I dedicating my life to? What have I been called to do?
I haven't been called to world missions. I haven't been called to travel and tell the news of Jesus Christ. And sometimes, it's frustrating. When I was in high school, I prayed over and over that I would be called into the mission field. I wanted nothing more than to do God's work in another country. But that's not where God needs me.
He needs me right here in Springfield, MO.
I've told this story many times before, so I'll keep it short. Throughout junior high, and bits of high school, I struggled with cutting and self harm (like a lot of girls that age, which is extremely alarming). I don't know at what point it was that I realized I needed help, but things got bad enough where I knew I was about to hit rock bottom if I didn't seek out help for my depression. Ever since then, I have struggled with the urge to cut. I haven't acted on it in nearly five years, but every so often, the urge is still there. It never truly goes away.
When I "got over" cutting, I went on to date many guys through my high school years. I'm so regretful of these years, but I am so thankful that God saved me from any further hurt that I might have experienced had I not fallen in love with Him.
I'm not proud of this, and I don't tell my story to get attention for what I did in the past. I tell my story because I have been called to help women. I tell my story because I have been given a platform that is real and relatable. I am thankful for this call in my life, no matter what I went through to get to this point.
I have been called into ministry (even though being raised Baptist, it isn't quite acceptable for women to be in leadership positions in church. I'm calling bull crap on this). In January I will start attending the James River Leadership College and major in women's ministry, in Ozark MO, right outside of Springfield.
I had been struggling for some time (years, even) trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I went from career path to career path, trying to figure out what I could "deal with" as a lifelong career, and nothing truly satisfied. It wasn't until I started praying about the situation and left it all up to God that I realized what I wanted to do, and where I needed to be.
And who knows, maybe I will end up somewhere other than Springfield someday. Maybe I will feel the call to mission work. But for now, I find my place to be here in Springfield, serving the women here in my hometown.
I'm thankful for my life. I'm thankful for the circumstances, no matter how hard they were, that have brought me to this point in my life. I'm thankful for the journey I'm about to embark on. I'm thankful that I am able to spend my life and my career serving a God that could save me from myself, and that gave me hope when I needed it most.