Plan Wedding Menu: Done.

I have been dreaming about my wedding for years and years. And since Pinterest came along, wedding stuff is pretty much the only stuff I ever pin.

Well, that and baby stuff.
But that's not something we need to discuss for like 5 more years.

For the past few weeks, and really, since I picked out my dress, not that much planning has happened. Which it's totally cool because we have a long ways to go before it's really considered crunch time. So I've had a cooling off period and I have allowed myself to not really worry about the wedding planning.
Today my dad texted me and asked what I wanted for the dinner menu (which, we are eating before the ceremony, but I think I've mentioned that before). I know I want BBQ and I want my dad's competition BBQ team to do the food, but other than that... I had zero idea of what I wanted, and what would be 'appropriate' BBQ for a wedding.

My dad's suggestion? Tri-tip, veggies, grilled potatoes and salad.


...Umm. Yes. 

As if I wasn't already excited for this wedding, this just makes it even better.

Blake is coming back from St. Louis today! I haven't seen him since Thursday (I think?) and I'm super excited to just hang out and do nothing with him today. A few nights ago we watched the Pixar documentary and I found out that he hasn't seen Cars, The Incredibles or Monsters, Inc. Seriously, Blake? I think I know what we are doing this afternoon...

That one time I went to a Justin Bieber concert...

Last night, my dreams came true and I was in the same room as Justin Bieber.
We were sitting veeeeery high up, but it was fun none the less.
He had angel wings (literally) and he came out without a shirt on at the end. I'm telling you, dreams came true! He performed some great songs (not all of my favorites, but that's a-okay), he danced the heck out of each song, and he proved that he is completely talented.
But I left feeling less than impressed.

When I saw Never Say Never, I was seriously fawning over him going, "omg, this is magic slash he is so inspirations slash I respect this kid," and after the concert, my reaction was more like, "I just don't know slash he's so beautiful slash he knows it, so that makes him cocky."
I'm just not so sure. Breigh and I both left feeling like we were less of fans than we were going into it.

BUT I had a fantastic time... I danced and sang along. Carly Rae Jepson was phenom. Even though I'm pretty sure I hate her music. And HOLY CRAP Cody Simpson has beautiful hair (I would know because we were standing outside waiting and his car pulled up and he rolled down his window and I saw his hair up close and personal. It was amazing. I don't even know who he is, really).

So there's that.

Tonight is so mellow. I'm choosing to watch 500 Days of Summer and make some dinner and just hang out (Blake is out of town, so I'm on my own tonight. Holla! ;) ) on the couch. I *need* to clean my room... but hey. That can wait until tomorrow. :)

Have a wonderful evening!

Busy.

Lately I've been all over the place. Working, reading, planning, traveling, working some more. I've been working on this little blog as of late... I have a lot of different directions I could go with it, but none really "fit" yet. We shall see how things progress. I love making lists, so I' have been listing all the different topics I could cover. Yet again, none feel right. I just don't know.
I saw Band of Horses Tuesday night (with my parents!). My dad and I had seen Band of Horses twice before, once in Kansas City and another time in Tulsa, OK (with Kings of Leon... not exactly my favorite, but I'll take it). This time, my momma joined us! I don't think she was prepared at all, but I think she enjoyed herself. :)

After all the running around I've been doing, I am dedicating next week to relaxing. I'm going to chill out, read some books, and just hang around in my jammies. Sounds like a good plan to me! ;)

A question of faith.

Disclaimer: These are just things I needed to vent/get off of my chest tonight. My heart has been very heavy with convictions to verbalize what I believe. I totally don't mind if you skip over this post. And I know not everyone will agree with me. This post is also all over the place. I apologize in advance.

God has been challenging me lately. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. It gets tiresome, but I know that my faith will come out stronger because of all of this. All of the people who doubt me, who claim that I don't know what I'm talking about... they only fuel my fire. I know what I'm doing. I know what I'm saying.
The words that come out of my mouth are thought out before I say them (or in this case, type). I carefully consider how I choose to present myself. I don't want to be written off as a stupid girl, pretentious and uppity. And the very last thing I would ever want someone to think of me is unfaithful to my beliefs.

Lately, it seems that my faith has been called into question. And it hurts. I've never wanted (nor have I given) anyone to have a reason to think that I don't believe the teachings of God.
But I feel that this is God pushing me harder to achieve my goals. To follow through with my plans of being a leader in a church someday (and it seems that the church will have to be in somewhere other than Missouri). God has called me to do great things. He's called me to lead. He's given me a platform on which I can relate to other women so easily. I've been through so much and it is God's promise to me that it was not for nothing.
I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. A personal relationship. It's mine, not yours. It's not yours to question or to tout that I am not a believer of what the Bible says. I have read the Bible. I believe every word of it.

I also believe in the separation of church and state.
I believe that a woman has the right to choose.
I believe that Jesus would befriend the homosexual before He would ever befriend the devout Christian who looks down on someone for their sexual orientation.
I believe that women are equal to men, and that the only person a women should ever have to answer to is Jesus Christ.
*you may have my parents to thank for these beliefs that have been instilled in me (thanks mom and dad!). but over the past few years, I've grown to realize that these are important factors in my belief in God. these things have made me love Jesus even more. 

I believe in a lot of things that "normal" Christians don't. And you know what? Who cares what the normal Christians think?
Because I know my relationship with God is a solid one. That my hope and my future lies within His promises. Not the promises of a church, nor the promises of a politician.
I hope that I am never considered a "normal Christian." When you become normal, you become complacent in your faith, with no room to grow. We all need to be radical Christians. Not just in the way we view the world, social issues, etc. but in how we speak to others. How we respond to those who think differently.
You may think differently than I, but I will never question your faith. I guarantee it.
This generation of believers are radical and they are on fire for God and I am so proud to be part of this movement of believers.

A really obvious filler post.

Lately, I've had nothing brilliant to say (do I ever?) so I've tried not to blog when I have nothing to say. I don't want to feel the need to blog all the time. But here I am, nothing important to say, but still wanting to blog.
It's okay if you don't even read this post. :)

This week I am...
*working nearly 40 hours (#welcometotherealworld). I love my job so much though, so it doesn't even matter that I'm working 38 hours over the course of 3 days. Totally worth it for these kiddos.
*Seeing Paranormal Activity 4 at 'midnight.' Since when is 9 pm constitute as a midnight release? What is wrong with theaters? Even Breaking Dawn is the same... it's premiering at 10 pm. Takes all of the fun out of midnight premiers!
*Hopefully going to my favorite haunted corn maze in Cabool this weekend. I go every year, I think this is the 4th (?) year now!
*working on a photo book of the pictures Colby took of Blake and I (which he has a funny post on the out takes over on his blog!)

Next week I am...
*On Tuesday I am going to see Band of Horses (for the 3rd time in 2 years) in Tulsa with my mom and dad. This is mom's first BOH concert. She's in for a treat!
*Friday (the 26th) is the Justin Bieber concert I've been looking forward to since May! I am SO happy, I could cry. True belieber, right?!

I am obsessed with Lana Del Rey's new song "Ride." I just love her. She's totally cray, but she makes beautiful music videos. Also, The Silent Comedy has a great song being used for the promo of History Channel's miniseries The Men Who Built America... I swear, after their song used for the Hatfields & McCoys miniseries, they are THE band for History Channel's miniseries.

This has been enough rambling for now. Have a good day!

I had been wanting to do special photo book type gifts for my parents for Christmas with engagement pictures, but mine and Blake's engagement photos aren't until April... so I called up my bff Colby and had him take some quick almost-engagement photos. These are just the previews he sent me, I'm excited to see the rest!

And I'm super excited about our engagement session coming up in April - we have some fun and cute ideas! 

 Thanks, Colby! We had so much fun!
If you ever need a local photographer, Colby is your guy. 

Because things aren't always so easy.

*this has nothing to do with my post. Like at all. 

So right after I post my blog on following God's call into ministry... I get the news that classes super don't mesh with my work schedule.
Satan really has his ways of messing plans up, doesn't he?

I allowed myself to be stressed for a little while yesterday. I kept thinking, "what am I going to do? Am I going to have to quit my job? Where will I work? What the heck am I thinking?" My thoughts were one big jumbled mess with stressed out phone calls to my parents (which weren't too helpful because neither had advice for me).

I totally had one of those "church camp highs" after writing that blog post the other day. I felt super inspired and I couldn't wait to go back to school. I was excited. Since when am I ever excited about school?! And now I'm back to square one.
I talked with Blake about this for a while yesterday. I'm okay with waiting until my work schedule allows me to go to school more often (the schedule for JRLC is 8:30-3 Monday through Thursday). I'm totally fine with that plan... sure, it puts me back a few semesters, but I'm okay with that. I've come to terms with the fact that I'm not a traditional college student (and I think my parents have come to terms with it as well).
And as much as I am okay with this, and I know that both my parents and Blake understand the situation I'm facing, it troubles me that some people will see the surface of the situation and automatically judge me for not being in school, and what's more - getting married before I'm even out of college. This has been a touchy subject for me. I don't care what people that I'm not close to think of me, because I know that they don't always know the full story/situation... but I also don't have the thickest of skin, and it does hurt when people make false assumptions.
I wish I didn't have to make the choice between working and going to school. I wish that it was easy enough to do both. But with this school choice that I've made... it's not that easy. I have to choose one or the other.

So. While I'm not starting school in January, I'm aiming for next fall.
It sounds so far away. But it'll be here before I know it. Prayers, thoughts, and encouragement are greatly appreciated. This is something that I'm struggling with a lot right now... I just wish life was a bit simpler sometimes.

Wedding Talk.

One of the biggest things we (we being me + my mom. ha!) struggled with was the wedding venue. I had my heart set on an old mill in Blake's hometown, but our date was non-negotiable, and Fair Grove always holds their annual fall festival that specific weekend we requested. So, my number one location was out of the question from the get-go. 

We went through just about a million different venues and narrowed it down to a few, Miss Gimore's Carriage House being a top contender (although the website is rather deceiving). The very first venue we saw was Miss Gilmores. It also happens to be the only venue we ever visited. Mistake? Maybe. But once we saw it in person, I wasn't going to let go of my new number one choice!

This was in June. About a month ago, my dad finally decided to commit to the venue, and we went and signed the contract and paid a deposit! So last weekend, my mom and I took another little trip out to the venue, armed with pumpkin spice lattes and a camera. We had so much fun snapping photos (so I'll have 'visuals' for decor planning) and talking about all the different options for where the food go, how we'll decorate the tables and the fireplace, where we can dance. All of that. Wedding planning is fun, you guys. Anywho... I just wanted to share a few photos of the location of mine and Blake's wedding. :) 

Isn't the pink chandelier insane?! There are little charming details everywhere you turn. Vintage pieces are quite abundant in this venue, and is a reason why we chose it. Not only did it go with my desired 'look' for the wedding, but it reduces our decor need greatly! I'm so excited about not having to worry about filling up a space with things just to make everything look complete. At Miss Gilmore's it's basically already done for me! Things are getting very real, very fast.

Next on my wedding to do list...
+ plan out invitations (get a final guest list together! ugh, this has been stressful!)
+ start gathering old bottles and vintage books and little tiny owls for the tables
+ start thinking about flowers... I've been putting this one off, simply because I couldn't care less about flowers. I hate flowers.
+ for real this time find bridesmaid dresses that everyone can agree on. I have a difficult bunch of ladies. ;) And find something for Colby! Can't forget about my wonderful Brides...man? :)
+ plan a menu with my papa. My dad's BBQ team is doing the food for my wedding... I can't wait for my new family to taste some of my dad's state championship BBQ! What an introduction to a new family, right? ;)

Happy almost Wednesday! It's 11:54, and I need to go to sleep. Blake and I are taking some pre-engagement photos with Colby tomorrow so we can have photos to give to close family & friends for Christmas as mini save the dates. So exciting!

God does big things.

This morning's church service was pretty great... even though I sat doubled over in painful cramps (darn you, Aunt Flo. Hashtag TMI). I go to High Street Baptist in Springfield and it is extremely world missions oriented. We sponsor a lot of missionaries throughout the world, which is awesome. Every year we have a Missions Conference that lasts a few days, and ends in the "World Famous Pie Auction," where $55,000 was raised in one night this year (how awesome is that, right?!).

Anyways. Back to church. This morning, our youth pastor and his wife came forward to announce that next Spring they will start the process to become missionaries in Amsterdam. It's so awesome that they are dedicating themselves to such a worthy cause.

It got me thinking: What am I dedicating my life to? What have I been called to do? 

I haven't been called to world missions. I haven't been called to travel and tell the news of Jesus Christ. And sometimes, it's frustrating. When I was in high school, I prayed over and over that I would be called into the mission field. I wanted nothing more than to do God's work in another country. But that's not where God needs me. 

He needs me right here in Springfield, MO. 

I've told this story many times before, so I'll keep it short. Throughout junior high, and bits of high school, I struggled with cutting and self harm (like a lot of girls that age, which is extremely alarming). I  don't know at what point it was that I realized I needed help, but things got bad enough where I knew I was about to hit rock bottom if I didn't seek out help for my depression. Ever since then, I have struggled with the urge to cut. I haven't acted on it in nearly five years, but every so often, the urge is still there. It never truly goes away. 

When I "got over" cutting, I went on to date many guys through my high school years. I'm so regretful of these years, but I am so thankful that God saved me from any further hurt that I might have experienced had I not fallen in love with Him. 

I'm not proud of this, and I don't tell my story to get attention for what I did in the past. I tell my story because I have been called to help women. I tell my story because I have been given a platform that is real and relatable. I am thankful for this call in my life, no matter what I went through to get to this point. 

I have been called into ministry (even though being raised Baptist, it isn't quite acceptable for women to be in leadership positions in church. I'm calling bull crap on this). In January I will start attending the James River Leadership College and major in women's ministry, in Ozark MO, right outside of Springfield.

I had been struggling for some time (years, even) trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I went from career path to career path, trying to figure out what I could "deal with" as a lifelong career, and nothing truly satisfied. It wasn't until I started praying about the situation and left it all up to God that I realized what I wanted to do, and where I needed to be. 

And who knows, maybe I will end up somewhere other than Springfield someday. Maybe I will feel the call to mission work. But for now, I find my place to be here in Springfield, serving the women here in my hometown. 

I'm thankful for my life. I'm thankful for the circumstances, no matter how hard they were, that have brought me to this point in my life. I'm thankful for the journey I'm about to embark on. I'm thankful that I am able to spend my life and my career serving a God that could save me from myself, and that gave me hope when I needed it most. 

I love Pinterest today.

Pinterest has been so good to me today.

Usually I don't spend a whole day browsing Pinterest. Usually I can't find anything I like on Pinterest (although my 300+ pins would tell you otherwise).

But today... I spent all day, off and on in my free time, on the Pinterest app on my phone. Holy cow, I hit the jackpot on Pinterest wedding DIYs today. I even felt so inspired to make a list of things I want to try, and a list of things to go buy first thing tomorrow in order to carry out my mega craft day tomorrow.

Here are few things I've been itching to do...

*So while this link sends you over to an Etsy... my wedding is on a strict, strict budget (student over here!), and so my boss and I are going to tackle the task of making this dress for my flower girl!
*I actually already made this DIY, and I'm putting this on the list to tell you, this little project is fabulous! It was so easy and fast.
*I love this idea for a smores bar, of sorts, but I'd also like to find a way to package them for favors... hmm.
*This crepe paper flowers DIY sounds awesome! These flowers are way too cute for words (and almost realistic in photos!) I'm going to have to try these out.

There about a million more DIYs I want to try... but I'll save that for a later date. ;)

In other news... I'm making a hash brown potato soup tomorrow night for dinner. I'm not a cook (like at all), so I'll be sure to let you know how it goes! This weekend my mom and I are visiting my wedding venue (again), this time to take photos so we will have visual references when dreaming up decor. I'm super excited! And I will definitely share those photos!
Have a wonderful, wonderful evening. I'm off to enjoy a homemade chai latte, watch Fright Night, and make grocery lists! :)

Dress Shopping.

This weekend was the absolute best. One of my besties (and bridesmaids!) roadtripped to Springfield for some good old fashion fall fun. Oh, and some wedding dress shopping. :) 

A few weeks ago, my mom, Blake's mom and I went to a bridal show, and I decided to book an appointment with David's Bridal for the end of September to try on dresses and get a feel for what sort of dress I wanted for my wedding day. I had no real intentions of buying (or even finding a dress), but I went in with an open mind. And I'm SO glad I had an open mind, because I happened to find the dress! It's absolutely perfect, and it's nothing like I had in mind, but the dress of my dreams at the same time. This weekend also marked the one year countdown to the wedding. As of today, we have 362 days to go! It sounds like a lot, but I'm sure it'll be here before we know it. 

*full disclosure... neither of these are the dress I ended up choosing. :)