Equality.

All of the buzz yesterday about gay marriage rights (as if that's never in the news, am I right?) had me thinking about my own experience with equality and the like.

My best friend is gay. That's definitely no secret. Colby and I have been friends since I was 16 years old. We were in a local production of The Music Man together, we played "lovers" in one scene together. ;) But from the start, he was my best friend; he was the funniest, most compassionate and loving person I had ever met. He's always had my back, he's always been there for me, through thick and thin.

And then I went through this phase that, looking back on, I am incredibly ashamed of. I texted him one night letting him know that I did not support the fact that he was gay, and that it was a major roadblock in our friendship for me. As a Christian, I could not be his friend.
I think, as Christians, we all go through these phases. We read certain passages in the Bible, form our own opinion, and then fire off on anyone who does not agree with our take on those verses. I was this way for a short while, and geez, I'm surprised no one seriously injured me during this period of my life.

I came to realize that I was not put on this earth to judge Colby - and during this period of time, that is exactly what I was doing. I was going against everything that I am supposed to be as a follower of Christ. Jesus has simply called us to love each other, and be good to those surrounding us. And that's definitely not what I'm seeing lately from Christ's Church, and even from those that I am close to. Yeah, we are supposed to "love the sinner, hate the sin," but just because we hate the sin, does that mean we need to put them down every chance we get?

I think the thing I have struggled with the most is that we are all sinners. All of us. And no sin is more horrible than the next. All other sin is absolutely no greater than mine. And you know what? God forgives us and loves us all the same. I stand by the fact that if Jesus were here today, He would not befriend those who carry their Bibles everywhere and are relentless crusaders for Christ. He would be the first to go up to the gay man, the prostitute, the woman who just had an abortion, and He would say, "How are you doing? How can I help you? How can I show you I love you?"

I see all these people say that gay marriage ruins the definition of marriage, and that it hurts the straight married couples. (Or the worst argument: it messes up the kids involved in a gay marriage. Tell me, how can it be any worse than kids involved in their parents divorce?)
I have known Colby for 7 years; I know his personality through and through, I know his character and I know that he is a fantastic person inside and out, that loves God - just as God loves him. And all I want for my best friend? I want him to be treated the same as I want to be treated when I get married in September. He deserves it.

I think when you know someone so well, as if they were your own family - how can you look them in the eye and say, "you do not deserve the same treatment and equality as I do." How is that fair? How is that being a vessel of Christ?


I'm not afraid to say that this is something I struggle with daily. I do know that my views have changed over the years, and probably will continue to change. But in this moment, knowing that my best friend - the person I confide in, the person who knows more about me than anyone on this planet, the person who will never let me down - does not have the same rights as me, a person who sins no greater than he, I cannot support that. He deserves every bit of happiness and every bit of equality that I do.

/rant

On making a house a home.

(Or, um, an apartment.)

I moved out of my parents home and into my first apartment nearly two years ago. The time sure has flown by! Anna and I lived in the ghetto, complete with one of those apartments that rent by the week across the street from ours, and neighbors that we had to call the cops on multiple times. But I was SO proud of this space of ours - it was my very first apartment!

Part of me really wishes I had gotten a picture of the outside of our apartment (ahem, duplex), but alas - it is way too embarrassing. Sometimes, Blake and I will take a drive by it... so glad those days are behind us!
And then we (as in me & Anna) decided we couldn't take the smell of smoke (and marijuana) anymore and started searching out other options. We moved into the most beautiful loft apartment near the square/downtown Springfield. It was such a beautiful apartment, I was so sad when our lease was up and our paths were taking us different ways!

While living here, Anna and Isaac got married! So I lived with a married couple for a good 8 months! It was an adventure, to say the least, but I wouldn't trade the experience for anything! Blake and I are currently considering getting back on the wait list so we can grab an apartment here when we get married. Crossing fingers and toes: there are a lot of hoops to jump through to get an apartment here!

In October, I moved in with my boss; they have a nanny apartment, and I most definitely grabbed it right up when it became available! So.. it's sort of my bachelorette pad. ;) This is the only time I've truly lived on my own, with no roommate... just me. I'm enjoying it, to be honest!
The only thing is that I am having *the* hardest time making this place my own, though. I have found little nooks and crannies that have been "decorated," but not the whole space and it's really bugging me! I'm used to having a spot for everything - and a lot of my stuff is just scattered! I have friends from out of town staying for the weekend in 3 weeks, and now that it's getting so close, I've been kicking it into gear trying to get everything settled and looking more "homey." I've only lived here since forever now, it's about time, right?

The space is like a studio apartment, where it's all one room. My favorite spot is the little nook for my bed! It's seriously the cutest spot. But the rest.. I'm struggling! Do you have any tips for decorating a studio apartment with almost zero storage space? I'll take any advice I can get!

Have a lovely Tuesday!

A Case of the Mondays (or maybe it's just PMS)

It is currently 8:39 am, which is by no means early or anything, but I've been wide awake since 5:48. You see, I have the world's most vicious cramps. Every single month, without fail, I find myself in a hot bath near 6 am at least once. Maybe twice, if I'm 'lucky' (case in point: today. I've been in this bathtub twice in the span of 3 hours). 

It's like you can't ever win with the female body. You aren't pregnant: congrats! You get this awful 5-7 days of nonstop PAIN. You do get pregnant: congrats! Now you have 9 months of weird body changes. At least the latter ends in a baby, right? 

So anywho, I thought I'd share some of my favorite things around the internet as of late, since you know, I have nothing better to do on a Monday at 9 am. 

These sweet little girl dresses. Question. Do they make these in big girl sizes, because I'll take one. 

I just need to know: is Peeta wearing Uggs? Also, I cannot wait for Catching Fire. 

The gorgeous photos from this bridesmaid luncheon. It's got me thinking I want to do something like this for my special gals... 

I've been thinking a lot about Disney tattoos (hi Mom! Don't kill me!), and this one is just... fabulous. The colors are incredible, and Ariel is my spirit animal. (I don't have the original link to this, sorry!)

*Grumpy Cat gets a photo shoot with Time Magazine. 

*The sweetest Moonrise Kingdom birthday party. Note to self, be this cool when you are a mom. 

*I claimed victory in making Blake try quinoa, so I can't wait to try this recipe for quinoa mac & cheese. 

*These AMAZING pet photos.

*Basically, this entire board on Pinterest of quotes from Girls. I really love that show. But that's a post for another day. 

*This is, without a doubt, my dream wedding dress. But it costs roughly the same amount as my venue. Actually, nearly double. So... that was a no-go. 

It is now 10:06 am, I'm out of the bathtub (thank you Jesus), and speaking of Jesus, watching last night's episode of the Bible. I really like this miniseries, but as I've stated before, I don't understand why everyone has some sort of European accent. For instance, pretty sure that Noah had a Scottish accent. Something was definitely off. It weirds me out. 

Happy Monday!

Haley 

*Most of these things came from my Pinterest. You should follow me on there! 

A Lunch Date.

 (this photo is from last april)

Today, my bff Colby & I got together for lunch at The Aviary. We never ever see each other (I can't even remember the last time we got to hang out!) so it was nice to have a catch up session. I have missed him oh so much. 

 I usually just eat a sweet crepe, but this time I had a bowl of potato soup & small portion of brussel sprouts. We also shared a caramel apple crisp crepe, which was divine! Although, no apples were to be found in it, so I'm a bit confused about the name of the crepe... :)

 

Now I end my night with frozen pizza, Little Debbie snack cakes, and Les Miserables (and maybe House of Wax.... it's my silly horror movie weakness!). Currently trying to convince my mom to go see A Chorus Line at the Landers Theatre tomorrow afternoon. Sadly, I don't think she likes musicals as much as I do! I need a good musical buddy to see these shows with! Taking applications for a musical theater bff as of right now.

Troubling Her

One thing I have really struggled with is the fact that I feel extremely called into ministry. I know it's not for the faint of heart, and that it can really put stress on your own relationship with God. I think that's one of the biggest reasons I've been so reluctant to seek out the next steps in following God's calling in my life.
But there's another problem.
A lot of folks in my life take the stance that women aren't supposed to be in leadership positions in church. Or in other words, hold authority over men. I mean, that's pretty much the position almost all Baptist churches take on the matter, and I was raised in a Baptist church. But I see some major flaws in this.

My mom was recently reading a magazine that had an advertisement for a book called "Troubling Her," which is about women in the ministry field, and combatting the naysayers who use the "usual" verses to go against women in this position. Of course, she suggested it to me, and of course, I immediately ordered it off of Amazon.
(Also, as soon as I ordered it, I realized that it is available to read online HERE.)

I've taken a lot from the few chapters I've read here and there. I thought I'd share this small bit with you.

No Bible Verse is an Island. I LOVE this. This came from a section about how some people isolate certain verses to advocate their cause, and in this specific case, to go against women in ministry.  I've had this done to me, and it truly does hurt. Because when you actually look at the verses, you have to look at the verses surrounding them; they have a context in which they are correct. It's like soundbites on television and radio. You can hear a quote from a political figure, or a celebrity, and if it's not heard in it's complete context, you can twist it in so many different ways!
A lot of people (and even I) have been guilty of isolating certain verses, and viewing them as independent verses, and not as a cohesive unit of verses. And as the books states, this obviously leads to misinterpretation of the Bible as a whole.

I think a lot of people, and a lot of the older generation, are still stuck in the "women are inferior" way of thinking. Women are so capable, and it's not a question of whether or not God is 'okay' with a woman leading His people, because God uses who HE sees fit. Man or woman, God will use you in whatever way He wants.
I am taking the steps to see where God is leading me, and putting all of my trust in Christ - which is scary sometimes, if I'm being honest. I don't know where God is going to take me in the next few years, or even the next few months.

But there are a lot of naysayers in my life who don't agree with this choice I am making, and my question is: How does a fellow believer deem it appropriate to tell another that God's calling in their life is not correct?

Gettin' fit

Or trying, at least. 

So today, I got a gym membership. I haven't had one of those in a long whiiiile.
My mom and I visited a local gym (which is only 5 minutes from my house, holla!) last week and today I pulled the trigger on getting a membership (that's the second time I've used that phrase today, except the first time, it applied to a really cute top at Forever 21).
I'm super not an expert on anything close to exercise/fitness/what have you, but I thought I'd share my favorite songs to listen to while 'working out.' At my gym, we have the normal cardio stuff like bikes and treadmills, but we also have an indoor track. Towards the end of my workout, I do a few laps on the track. I listen to my ipod and force myself to walk/run to this entire playlist before calling it quits.
So here you go! *also, there are some songs with, uh, explicit content. BUT as a friend once said, I swear by the fact that hearing Kanye West say the f-word totally makes you run faster. Am I right, or am I right? BUT I will not apologize for my love for Taylor Swift.

xo Haley

#selfiesaturday #ootd

I totally just hashtagged the title. What up!
I know, I know - it's not #selfiesaturday anymore, as it is now Sunday, but I took this photo on Saturday while I was working at Red Velvet. Oh and - for real, yesterday was the best day ever at RV! I listened to the greatest music while painting coffee tables. If every Saturday could be this way, I'd think I'd died and gone to heaven! Anywho - my outfit. Excuse my derpy looking face. I'm so awkward.

Details: dress - Forever 21// tights - Target// Shoes - Steve Madden// belt & necklace - borrowed from RV for the day.

This dress is super not the most comfortable. It's actually really tight in the top. BLAH. I was hoping to wear this for mine and Blake's engagement pictures, but now I just don't know. I don't want to feel uncomfortable while doing something that's already awkward as it is, you know? I don't know. We'll see, I guess?
Yesterday, a couple was getting married while a St. Patrick's Day parade was going on down at C-Street. I felt so sad for the couple. I started freaking out thinking something will probably be going on the weekend we get married, thinking it'll interfere with our day. I was right - Heritage Festival in Fair Grove! Haha, it's silly that I'm upset about this, seeing as it's like 30 minutes away from our venue, but I go to the fall fest in FG every year! I always buy soup from the same ladies. My first question to Blake was, "if we're getting married that weekend... how am I going to buy my soup?!"
Will someone be a great friend and go to the festival to buy the soup for me? #pleaseandthanks

So many hashtags, so little of a point.
Happy Sunday!
xo Haley

AfterLight

The new AfterLight (formerly AfterGlow) "instant film" textures and frames are everything. I am doing my best to refrain from using them on every single thing I put on Instagram.
I think the app itself is free, it comes with different editing tools and free filters. To unlock the 5 new filters you have to "like" their Facebook page, and then to unlock the new Instant Film features it costs 99 cents... WELL WORTH IT, my friends. Seriously.

Anywho, just doing the common courtesy of letting you know the greatest thing ever invented for the iphone.

xo Haley

ps. Since Google Reader is going away (wtf, google) be sure to follow on BlogLovin! I use this app on my phone all. the. time. Except lately, it's been a real stupid head and won't open (seriously, it kicked me off the app seven times last night before it would let me open it)! Get that fixed, BlogLovin people!

Old habits

Remember that one time when I decided I was going to be a ~*fashion blogger? I've been thinking on taking it back up lately. Not seriously, of course, but just for fun. Even if it's just via Instagram! I enjoy documenting the days I dress up because, let's be honest, I don't get dressed up that often.

I'm a nanny. I'm running around & playing on the floor with 4 kids most days!

I might follow through with this... we shall see. But in the mean time! Here are a few of my favorites from my old blog! 

Sigh, the good old days!
I'm also currently missing my short hair. Such a bad thing to be thinking about! I have a wedding coming up, I need long hair! I can't make any promises that I won't come back from my honeymoon with shoulder length hair... just saying.

Happy Monday!
xo H

Colby Kern Photography

My best friend is a genius photographer. He has such an imagination, and creativity that is hard to find these days. As I've been watching Romeo + Juliet this afternoon (some of our favorite BFF songs come from its soundtrack, of course), I've become increasingly nostalgic about my high school years, which were the good old days of weekly photo shoots and the like with Mr. Colby. I thought I'd share a few of my favorite photos we've taken together. :)

These photos are my absolute favorites. We were having a slumber party at his house and sometime around 10 or 11 we decided that I would get all dressed up, throw on some red lipstick and we would take photos in the guest bedroom while listening to Shiny Toy Guns and Madonna. It was probably the best night ever. Impromptu photo sessions are the greatest!

Seriously though. Colby is magnificent, and such a good friend. He's launching some blog changes this week, so go check it out. He's the cutest gay best friend I could ever ask for!
I love you so much, best friend! xo H

Thankful

Thankful for pretty weather, afternoons spent on DIY projects, and the fact that it is now March and Big Momma's still sells apple cider.
Extremely thankful that my parents' marriage is better than ever, that God never ceases to surprise me, that He can make friendships out of the most interesting situations.
And at this moment, I'm most grateful for a fiance that runs out to get me a root beer float from Andy's during a thunder storm, and then comes back to watch Pride & Prejudice (the A&E miniseries, at that). Blake, you are the greatest.

I'm blessed beyond measure and I'm excited for the months to come.
Excited for new friendships, for visits from far away friends, for bettering my relationship with Christ.
I'm excited to read books that I've been putting off for far too long, to spend more time with Blake, and I'm way excited for Spring Break because that means I don't have to be at work until 8 am. :)

By the way, if you are in the Springfield area on Easter, I'd love for you to be my guest at High Street! Last Easter, the worship band covered Paradise by Coldplay and I will forever regret missing that!

Hopefully your Saturday has been well spent! I'm happy to report mine was! (We saw The Last Exorcism Part II today. It was by no means a great movie... not even a good one! The first was so much better, even with the overdone found footage format. But this one? Nope. Not worth your time, I tell you! I knew I should've gone to see the new Oz movie... ha!)

xo Haley

mushy.

Photo by The Lensmen at our friends' wedding last summer!

I'm not the best at showcasing how I feel sometimes. I'm much better at keeping all those feelings bottled up, only for me to know and dwell on (unless your name is Breigh Wilson, you probably don't know how I'm feeling 97% of the time). 

This is one of the hardest things I've had to deal with while being in a serious relationship. I'm not a serious person - I don't like saying, "I love you." I'd much rather say, "you're cool and I could live with you forever" than say the L-word.

Over the past few months, as our wedding date slowly creeps up on us, I've started to realize just how much I truly love this guy. I almost feel sorry for him, for how much he puts up with - I'm not an easy person to deal with most days! I put him through the ringer; always asking him to do things for me, never really saying "I love you," when I probably should, I don't really do things for him "just because," and I probably really come off as ungrateful most of the time. It's something I'm working on. 

But I love Blake. A lot. Kind of like those times when you're like, "how did I make it this long without this person?!" (I also feel that way about dried peaches, but that's another thing entirely.) 

All this to say, I love this person like a lot, and I'm going to be his wife in 204 days. I'm really, really excited. Also, scared. But more excited, I think. 

Looking at this picture, I'm getting really excited about our own wedding photos. Our engagement pictures are next month (!!!), and I've been scouring the internet for the perfect outfit. We are playing around with different ideas for our photos including breakfast, gardens, and our favorite mouse... ;) We are lucky to have a wonderful pal as our photographer who is willing to incorporate our obsession love for Disney! She's seriously a sweetheart!

I cannot wait for the photos to be done so I can share them here! 

March.

Here we are, 7 days into March. Next week is Spring Break for the kiddos... I can hardly believe it.

March is full of a million birthdays (actually, only three), hopefully a trip to Silver Dollar city (nerd alert, I love SDC), booking our honeymoon, rescheduling engagement pictures (because Blake is going on a retreat with my dad the weekend we originally planned on!), dates with Breigh, relaxing on Saturdays because I'm way too stressed for my own good.
March is a busy month, but at the same time - it's just filled with little things that make each week a happy one. So all in all, I definitely can't complain.

In honor of this month, I've made a playlist. (Can I make this a monthly thing? I'm thinking yes.)
It's full of songs that remind me of spring + it's the playlist I'm using this month at Red Velvet! Double win.
 Can't wait to share my summer playlist, though... I'm pretty sure it consists of only Fleet Foxes and Joanna Newsom. ;)
Happy Thursday! The weekend is almost here! Tomorrow I'm planning on a lady date with the BFF after work at Red Velvet and then Saturday, Blake and I are having a stay inside the house date (complete with me making dinner, holla!). Hoping I won't have to get out of my pajamas for that one!  xo Haley 
ps. next month is going to be the best month ever: Color Run, Claire & @teendoll are coming to visit for a weekend, and then Color Me Rad. Two 5Ks?! Am I crazy?! ;)  pps. emily maynard is now a blogger. I have loved her a creepy stalker amount since she was on The Bachelor, and now she has a beauty/fashion blog... I can tell I'm obsessed already. #restrainingorder? #notafunnyjoke...

On doing things myself.

I think the thing that has stressed me out the most throughout the planning process thus far is my lack of help, outside of my mom and a few other folks. I'll admit, I'm the worst at delegating tasks to people - and, for lack of a better term, I'm a bit anal about things being done a certain way.

Just the same as how I didn't think I could pull off the wedding of my dreams if it wasn't at Miss Gilmore's, I don't think I can pull it off if I don't do every single detail myself.
And that is where I'm wrong. I know I need to loosen the reins and just let people help me, but it seems that even when I mention that I need help, or I say, "hey, I need your opinion on this," I'm usually ignored. I don't like that feeling. Did I do something wrong? Am I already being a bridezilla to my friends and family? What am I doing wrong?

I make list after list of things that need to be done now, things that can wait until this summer; who can help with the DIY stuff, who can help setting up, etc. And I'm left wondering, do they even want to help? I have chosen the best bridesmaids (and bridesgaybff) in the world. They are the ones that I know are there for me through thick and thin. But with two living 3+ hours away, one who is either working or at school, and one who doesn't ever text me back... what am I supposed to do, other than assume that I am basically on my own?

I'm grateful for my friends, my family, and all those who I know will help when it comes down to the wire. But as for the past 10 months that I have been engaged, I'm feeling very alone in this whole process. And for someone who has never been involved in planning a wedding, I'm way in over my head and I don't know what to do.
Hashtag freaking out.

Here's where I say thank you to my mom for always letting me bounce ideas off of her, even when she probably doesn't have time to text back and forth. And even when she doesn't like my ideas.