Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Because I'm no good at sticking to my goals.

Let's be real, I don't stick with things. I never have and if we're being completely honest, I probably never really will.

I have a hard time finishing books (I have a million next to my bed just begging to be finished).
I bought a super nice (read: expensive) journal to use during our 17-month engagement to document everything. We are now 14 months in, and I have only filled 10 pages.
I quit piano lessons after 5 years because I thought I'd start playing soccer. This isn't even a case of starting something and not sticking with it. I never even joined the soccer team! Truth be told, once I found out you have to run, like, 3 miles every day at practice, I said "oh, heck to the no."

So this is the problem I face every time I'm like, "Oh yeah, I'm gonna get FIT." Last time I said that, I went out and bought all new workout clothes, a new pair of running shoes (holy expensive, y'all), and a shiny, brand new gym membership.
Now, I wear the workout clothes like they're going out of style, and the running shoes have gotten me through two 5k's in the past two months. But the gym membership? Yeah, pretty sure I've only used that sucker twice.

I don't know what it is. Is it because I'm lazy? Is it because I'm tired more often than the average person my age? Is it because I just really don't like running on a treadmill when there's ten other people around me? I don't know, but I've really got to fix this little issue I'm running into (or, rather, slowly walking into. Because I'm definitely not running anywhere).

Tonight, while at my parents, I weighed myself.
It was one of those times where I literally held my breath while it was registering the pounds and when I looked down, I laughed and said out loud: "uh, no, let's try that again..."
So I stepped off, waited for a second, then got back on.

Same number.

I drove home in tears thinking, "how did I let this happen?"
To be clear with this, though, I am tall-ish. I'm close to 5'9" and for my height, my weight is considered healthy. But to me? I don't feel comfortable at this weight. And tonight I made a conscious decision to actually do something about it. If I have to force myself to get up earlier to go use the gym, then so be it. If I have to do legitimate grocery shopping just so I have a reason to cook at home more often, than by all means, I'll do it. But whatever unhealthy habits I've formed since moving out of my parents house? Yeah, those have got to go. At first it was kind of just a running joke that I needed to get in shape for the wedding and now it's more than that. It's about me feeling comfortable in my own skin, and about feeling and being healthy.

So, here we are. I'm putting this out there in an effort to gain accountability in some form.
And I'm also on Pinterest in the "health and fitness" section, and let me tell you - it's an embarrassing thing to admit. Ha!

Thanks for listening to such a pointless post. It really does help to write it all out.
- Haley


  1. Girl, don't let a number control how you feel. Were you happy before you stepped on the scale and saw that number? I have this theory that we'll NEVER be satisfied with the # we see on the scale...ever. As women we always want to be something less than what we see, and it's silly. If you felt good before you stepped on that scale then focus on that. It shouldn't be about a should be about a feeling.

    1. I just love you! I mean, I feel good. I do. But I think it's more the fact that I know I'm making unhealthy decisions every single day, and it's really not helping me any. I want to do better in that aspect. I do agree though - the number will NEVER be satisfying, which is why I haven't weighed myself in nearly 2 years! I don't believe in keeping a scale around. That in itself is unhealthy enough!

  2. I am a tall girl too - 5'8" yay for tall girls! But I know what you mean. Sometimes when I focus too much on my weight in numbers it' frustrating - I have always been in these same 5 pounds range. But, I agree with miss teacups up there. We have to remember that it's not about the number but about how we feel. I hope you make these changes and FEEL healthier, more fit, and ultimately, happier. :)

  3. It is impossible to be happy when it is about the numbers - statistics should never control your emotions. I know how you feel though - I have been unhappy with the number way too often. I was in the same boat as you a little while back feeling unhappy and unhealthy because of the decisions I was making. I decided to eat more healthfully (not to lose weight but to feel better about myself) and it has made such a difference to how I view myself. When I feel like I am treating myself well then I feel better about myself. Just be encouraged - you are not a number. You look beautiful and you are. x


  4. I feel the exact same way! I'm awful at keeping goals, even though I make tons of them and the whole getting fit thing?? Oye- has yet to happen. I hope you're able to get back into being comfortable again- I know how it feels to be healthy, but not feel like you want to. :(

  5. You can do it! I feel the same way. I stopped stepping on the scale because I know I'll never feel happy with the numbers. I try to look in the mirror and stay positive...reach for grapes instead of chips. We do a menu everyweek and eat ground turkey instead of beef...turkey bacon...lots of veggies! Let me know if you want to be support for each other or anything! We are both in the same boat.

    Amanda Rose