Tuesday, December 17, 2013
I feel like I'm constantly trying to prove my worth to someone... anyone, even to myself.
That I'm a capable person - that I can be independent, a good friend, an even better wife. Lately, I'm feeling as if I'm a failure in all of those categories.f
I think a lot of this stems from a lack of love that I feel for myself at times. It feels weird to say that out loud (or type it, for that matter), it sounds awful but it's true. I'm sure a lot of people can relate, but I go through periods of self doubt and lately it has really been getting to me. I've had an awful, sorry for myself, woe is me attitude lately and the guilt I feel over feeling those emotions are making the entire situation even worse.
I try so hard to not let this feeling of insecurity and unhappiness show. But sometimes I get so tired of fighting it off. I just want to throw my arms up and say, "I give up. I'll just be sad all the time." But that's not the way it works, I guess.
I'm trying to find peace in God to overcome whatever has a hold on my emotions right now. To let go of it, and let God take care of everything. I give out this advice so often to those who are hurting, and yet I'm the worst when it comes to taking my own advice. I hate letting go of control - I need that control over my life. And yet, that's not what faith is about.
All of this has been a great lesson of my faith and how I can strengthen it. I'm always looking to learn more about how I can better the relationship I have with Christ; always yearning to have a more personal relationship with Jesus. And this season is taking a toll on my spirits. But I'm working on it.
Some days, you just need to vent about it and then cry it all out, you know?
Anyway, enough of the sad stuff.
Here's some photos from this past weekend.
01. A date night at our favorite local spot to celebrate three full years of calling him mine. We drank hot chocolate, ate crepes, and I wore red lipstick. For the record, I wore a dress and he wore a Nightmare Before Christmas t-shirt. If that doesn't tell you anything about our relationship....
02&03. I tried out my very first Lush bath bomb this weekend. The first one I tried (and the one that is pictured) was the Fox in the Flowers - it smelled wonderful and looked beautiful, but I hated cleaning the flowers out of the bathtub afterwards. The second I tried was the butterball. SO much better. My skin was so soft after!
04. This post is sponsored by inappropriate guilty pleasure magazines, bubble baths, ibuprofen and my lack of fertilized eggs. (tmi, I know, I know, but seriously)
05. Sunday night we made a stop at Hurts Donut before heading home so that we could have donuts for breakfast. It was the best decision we could have ever made.
06. We saw Frozen yesterday afternoon. Another great decision. I can imagine that I will be singing all of the songs for the next few months. I mean, Disney can do no wrong. And now I want to go to Disney World. UGH. LIFE.
**I posted a little about this on Instagram earlier, and I'm thankful for the response that it received. I'm extremely grateful for all of the kind hearts that I have met through social media. I can't think of better friends than you gals who are a constant source of encouragement. <3